robby's blog

foot guy

Sunday, March 28th, 2010 | Uncategorized | 6 Comments

And if you know what I’m talking about, there’s a 50% chance that you’re mad at me for it. Lovely.

So I went to the gymnastics homeshow with Kayla (because I’m broad-minded, I guess) and we watched “A Knight to Remember: the Battle for the City of Ur Sole.” Yes, I know that there are two puns in that. I didn’t write the program (as will become apparent if you keep reading).

Children came out and did some things. I was NOT that coordinated at that age. Then to the main program: there was a backdrop of a castle wall (exciting, I know) and some really overly-dramatic monologue, and then gymnastics to break it up. There was this one evil guy with some VERY ineffective troops (instead of going over the wall, they just ran up and down it, bouncing on trampolines. Fun times, I know. One girl had the height to go straight over the wall, but she just kept going sideways (fail). So the evil guy called his troops back and tried (?) to get into the city himself.

He got down on a weirdly shaped wooden thing and then twirled cylinders on his feet.

You read that correctly.

So I started calling him foot guy and making fun of him and laughing all the harder. The entire program, he was just walking around leering at things menacingly. And when you spend an hour leering at a wall and stroking it (he did stroke it twice), you come off as creepy, not evil. ANYWHOOZLE If you know me (and if you read this blog I hope that you do) then you know that I am full of sarcastic remarks that come spilling out of me at every turn. So this is where the narrative becomes sad. Brittney and Regina yelled at Kayla to shut me up and then I had to move. I didn’t really want to move, but Regina and Brittney have the power to make my life hell if they want, so I moved. Just the same, I don’t think they had as much fun as I did (and I don’t even like gymnastics). I just like Foot Guy and the . . . narrative, if you can call it that, that ran through the program. I made fun of it, yes. That’s how I enjoy things. I point out the inconsistencies. Like “Truck Alignment Specialist.” I don’t know how that’s supposed to make sense (SHUT UP I’M READING THE WORDS, NOT THE INTENT, I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS, IT WAS A SIGN ON TIRES, SHEESH) and I make fun of it.

And however much I enjoy myself, I sometimes regret being a massive dick. I AM and it’s not fun knowing it. I’m the kind of guy that I dislike seeing on the street. So I’m going to start holding myself in, reigning myself back, and making better decisions. I’m praying about it, so God will help. I hope. But today was not the day for it. Tour = tired, arriving at 7 = no sleep, Robby = wacky.

Take away from this:

moose scarcity

Sunday, March 21st, 2010 | Uncategorized | 5 Comments

So Curtis and I watched the Office last night. If you love the Office and don’t love spoilers, then don’t read unless you’re also good at guessing. Because I won’t outline the plot specifically, but it will still make you go “AH WHY DID HE TELL ME THAT?” So I guess what I’m saying is read at your own risk.

Erin and Andy have been caught in the spiraling whirlpoolofdeath that is a new-forming relationship. I’m pretty sure that Andy is about to be sucked all the way down in, never to return. So, when Erin did something nice, he said “Rit-dit-dit-dow,” all soft-like. Curtis didn’t get it at all, but seeing as how I identify with Andy perhaps a little more heavily than I should, I got it immediately. That’s the sound he makes when he’s happy. Remember when he made a sales call with Jim? “RIT-DIT-DIT-DOW anda give me the people gonna free my soul, wanna get lost in the rockandroll and drift away . . . DOOT un DOOT un DOOOO! Rit-undoo-doo-doo!” It’s his happy sound.

And I don’t think that Curtis will ever get it.

It’s not that Curtis is wholly incapable, but he’s just calmer than Andy (or I) AND he has never and, I fear, will never fall madly in love with anyone. I don’t think he’ll even fall, he seems more like he’ll walk into it calmly. (Brooke, if you’re reading this, don’t gasp in mock surprise. You’ve known this.) And because he’s like this, I don’t think he’ll ever understand love stories or sappy movies or Andy Bernard.

BUT Curtis’ superpower (and yes, I realize that you’re getting more concerned as you read this, thinking “WHAT IF CURTIS READS THIS? OMG OMG OMG!” but don’t worry, because I’m pretty sure he knows this too) is that he’ll never be too angry, either. He’s just more stable. He’ll never be as ridiculously head-over-heels, but he’ll never be in the Pit of Despair, either. And I think he’s okay with that.

It’s like the wolf and moose population of Isle Royale. (Which is pretty cool, check it out) The Wolves average out at around 30, and never fluctuate too much. The moose, on the other hand, vary from six hundred to TWO AND A HALF THOUSAND. So there are periods of Extreme Mooseness and periods of Moose Scarcity (and both of those are good names for a band).

dr. kibble

Friday, March 19th, 2010 | Uncategorized | 5 Comments

SO yesterday, Kibble was trying to convince all of the men in the choir to stand up straight (like they meant what they were doing).

“When I went to PUC, there were lovely hills behind the school where students could go walking. OH the wine country people had that eyes on that land! But, the school didn’t sell it, so we were allowed to wander. We were constantly aware of the fact that there were cougars on the property. And you know what you have to do to get rid of cougars, right? [she cowers] NO! [she squares up and embiggens her shoulders.] You make yourself look big! That’s what I want you to do: make yourself look big! Act like there are cougars in the room!”

I desperately wanted to say “The cougar is you!” but I didn’t. Stephen Thorpe and I got it, and we laughed so very very hard.

On a side note: remembery is your power of remembering things you have memorized.

Thursday, March 18th, 2010 | Uncategorized | No Comments

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5w9E5yJDOwM

This vid is a shout-out to Katy, because she liked it first. I was thinking about it today (FOR NO REASON, I SWEAR!) So there it is for you.

I was also thinking of all the poor decisions I make daily. I say whatever I want, whenever I want to. I’m generally motivated by the desire to be funny. I don’t know why, exactly, but I expect that it’s my way of feeling useful. I say things that make people laugh so that I can make them feel good and by extension make myself feel good. AND YET I say a lot of things that probably hurt people. This is my not-formal apology to them.

This ^ ties into what I really want to say:
Star light, star bright
first star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
Not screw this up.

ALSO I have pictures on my phone, so sometime there will be an amazing photoblog.

This was boring, so there you go.

i’m out of habit

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010 | Uncategorized | No Comments

Like Lippincott

I direct you there for all your reading pleasure as I get back into the habit of posting here. I’m very sorry that I haven’t. I may update Like Lippincott to (as well) post to facebook, but I don’t think so. Writing, for me, is often intensely personal. I know it’s on the internet, but I feel safe as long as I don’t draw attention to it.

And I realize that by doing this, I am drawing attention to it. I really don’t care.

3.13b

Saturday, March 13th, 2010 | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

He slapped the jam down on the counter. “OH YEAH?”

“May I help you, sir?”

She slowly picked up the jam and rotated it so the bar code was showing. “Will that be all, sir?”

“I’m sorry, sir. I can’t hear you. Did you say you wanted paper, or plastic?”

“Then you’ll just carry it? Okay. Your change is $4.30.”

3.13a

Saturday, March 13th, 2010 | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

3.12

Friday, March 12th, 2010 | Uncategorized | 3 Comments

(3.10) I just keep falling behind. I’ll figure this ordering thing and catch up tonight.

3.10c

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010 | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

(3.9) This WILL be where I stop. I haven’t had a d edition yet and I don’t plan to.

3.10b

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010 | Uncategorized | 5 Comments

(3.8) Now that I’m two away again, I want to stop. Let me be brief.