robby's blog

First off: I think I smell urine and I hope it’s not me. I have no idea how I’d get to smelling like that, but whatever. Some things are inexplicable.

Secondly: I’ma confide in all ya’lls because that’s what the internet is for: complete anonymity that comes back to bite you in the behindandtookus. Ready?
So there’s this girl at camp and she is just mind-numbingly pretty. HOWEVER she likes another guy. She likes a guy that I respect so much that it isn’t even funny. Like next to Jesus, he’s the best person I know. He is the only person of which I can say “he does good” and not be sarcastic or grammatically wrong. So I’m struggling with this horrible sense of guilt because my primal self is saying “frikkin’ go for it, man! grab life by the huevos and jump in screaming!” but then my sensible responsible side (I hide it, in case you were wondering where it went) comes in and says “NO! His last gf was a total bisnatch and he deserves happiness! I will not allow you to be the one that ruins it for him! Get DOWN, BOY!”

Anyway, now that you know my innermost heart and you can air my dirty laundry to the world, I feel much better.

Also, I’m pretty light headed. You know how when you have a fever or something you always feel like you’re falling forward? I have that right now. It’s really really weird. I’m pretty sure my heart rate is well below like fifty or something. I’m not getting enough blood to my brain. And the fact that I just typed brian and almost didn’t correct it is proof enough.

BEST POST EVUH…no seriously I guess this is just something you have to go through as you’re studying to be a teacher. I mean, I’m changing my major to Education, but who knows I could fail at that as well…I could and might totally suck and teaching other people anything and especially reaching other kids? Me? I dunno, I’m usually pretty good at shooting myself down because I suck at lots of things. Let’s put it this way. You probably have a better chance at being a good teacher than I’ve got.

If you wish the opinion of an academy student, that fact that both of you realize that you’re not perfect makes you the type of people that kids will look up to, and the type that would be good teachers.  My parents are teachers, and they have been at the same school for … 23-24 years?, and they still worry what everyone thinks.
Also, nobody is perfect, so don’t worry about it.

Eeeh . . .
Nobody’s perfect, but I should be.

You are right you should be perfect and so should I. But I am so glad that God recognized and Jesus paid the price for the fact that you and I are not. When God made you, you were perfect. . . however, because we have had the right to make choices for +5000 years, we have screwed things up pretty badly. Our choices are almost always wrong and without His grace, we would be hopelessly lost. The thing that I am not very good at and that is absolutely IMPERATIVE is that I give myself to Him, I say that I cannot do this, I smink at it. HE is going to have to take my life and use Me as He wills. When He does that, then my life will go where He wants it to go and no matter what bad things happen, no matter what choices I am faced with, no matter how hard life seems; then He will make things right. Praise God. I am so so bad at doing what I am supposed to do. If He didn’t promise to take my life and use it, then I might as well hang it up. He has to use me because nothing that I do is worth anything.
Keep working on it. I love you so much. MUM

Ok I think that I know who the girl is (I didn’t listen to keith’s story about the hidden folder THAT well) and I definitely know who the guy is so… Yeah I gots nothin for you. I am sorry but I can’t tell you that you are to good for her though the opposite may be true. And I kind of understand what you mean when you explain about how you feel that you shouldn’t act. Sorry Robby hope that you can figure this one out. And on the side you haven’t been a bad rolemodel, you’re actually a pretty decent older brother as far as I can tell.

@phyneus:  awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Well, thx and whatnot.

this post made me cry

Are we being honest? Okay. Let’s be honest.
You are better than me.
Want to know why?
Because right now I don’t even care about being good.
When I sit there and yell “I want,” I’m not yelling about being perfect. I’m yelling, “Why am I Adventist? Why do I obey these rules? Why does my life look boring? Why can’t I be like everyone else? Why can’t I have what other people my age have?” And I’m angry. I don’t feel like God exists. I don’t KNOW that he exists anymore, not the way I did when I was younger. I believe that he does, but it’s like a residual belief and it’s not enough. I want to FEEL it, you know? I want to ACTUALLY BELIEVE, but all that’s left is the fact that I am not convinced of anything ELSE and that’s the only reason I still “believe.” And I’m sick to death of the forms of this religion. I don’t want to change, I don’t want to leave. It’s not like that. But I feel tired and I don’t want to hear anyone tell me to evangelize or study the bible or give money or volunteer or rest on the sabbath or accept Ellen White. And I’m super sick of the legalism of Adventism…I would never leave, remember that. I don’t think anything else is MORE right than SDA, but I’m sick of the system that believes we can’t wear jewelry or dance or eat pork or smoke or basically have ANYTHING worldy or wrong with us. Jesus said “love me and keep my commandments” but SDA adds all this legalism that just makes me so mad. And on top of all this, I feel like every sermon I hear these days is a rehash of a sermon I’ve heard before. Religion ceases to surprise me. I have no interest in Bible stories. Sermons are boring repeats, reruns, skipping records that I suffer through.
God doesn’t touch me anymore.
He helps me find  my keys when I lose them. He blesses my food before I eat. But he’s transparent.
I don’t want  to be perfect.
I’m discontent. My religion is empty. I am conflicted on every front. Part of me says I’m empty because I’m not fanatical enough about God, but another more cynical part says why should I have to be aggressive in order to have religion? Why should I change myself? Why am I not enough as I am?
I can’t even explain it here.
I can’t put it in words.
But there is nothing inside of me and there has not been for a while now. It’s been slowly seeping away and every time I noticed it, I pushed the reminder aside. And now I am lethargic. I am unhappy. I don’t care. But it’s broken and I’m angry and I don’t BELIEVE anything other than Yes He Is There but why, to what purpose, and what he wants from us…I have no idea.
I have no idea.

Don’t lecture me.

Just in case you thought you knew the answer to dilemma…don’t trivialize this. Don’t simplify. It’s not simple to me.

I think everybody in the world asks “why can’t I have what others have” at least once.

Aside from that startling revelation, it never hurts to find (or start) a good Bible study group.  Finding something like that can be nicer than something forced (by parents, school, or a sense of obligation).  Also, taking long walks outside in nature can be rather helpful.  I walk 1/2 an hour to work every day, then back again.  I walk on trails through the woods.  It’s great.

Well, at least that’s a start.  While the answer may be one of the most complicated in life, ya gotta start somewhere, eh?

Yes, me being the most frequenter of that question….I have to write a blog on the issue…walking doesn’t help…it just leaves room for more questions…Bible Study group probably will though…but watch none of us do it…

Katy, I love you and you’re a good person.

Two things:
1. Read Mere Christianity. DO IT. I don’t care what else you would like to do, but do this too. It’s interesting, cool and RELEVANT. I’ve had old people yell at me for bringing other sources into my theology, but God put CSLewis on this planet for a reason. So suck it, old people. The bible needs clarification.
2. I’ll write more later, right now I have to go help.

BTW, I never feel like I’m actually praying now. “Dear God, please help food do whatever and the weather and whatnot, amen.” It’s not real now. Not since I yelled at God.

Ugh. One struggle to the other.

“Mere Christianity”.  I remember you recommending that.  I should read it.  I’ve never read a C. S. Lewis book before.  I should get on that.
Oh, and don’t read an E. G. White book if that’s how you feel.  She can sound rather boring and take the tiny bit of life you had and crush it under a pile of dietary obsessions and dress code ideas.  Not to say she’s a bad author, she’s just not my cup of iced tea (and likely not yours, either, seeing as how you are feeling legalized and pathosized [pathetic?  It didn't sound right so I invented a word]).  Actually, I don’t like any kind of tea.  So, yeah.

I would comment more, but I’d think I’d rather just blog about it. So go over to my blog for what I would’ve said here and more.

‘I should get on that’ – I invented that phrase.

I love Mere Christianity. I read it the summer before I started college, and I should read it again. I remember thinking, “This is everything I believe but never knew how to say.” God bless C.S. Lewis for being logical, smart, and an excellent author. I know Ellen White is a “prophet” (I put in the quote marks because I don’t believe every word the woman ever said was prophetic, but some people [my dad] can’t draw distinctions between prophecy and just writing her own thoughts) but I enjoy reading C.S. Lewis immeasurably more. I don’t care that he wasn’t a prophet. I like him better because the way he explains truth SPEAKS to me.
But I don’t reject White outright. Don’t misunderstand me there.

okay, I am going to post my blog on this now. go read it!

[...] here, StephenBarryTellEmTheOriginal2.0 has some stuff to say.  In what I believe is a response to Robby’s rather seriously religiously deep post, StephenBarryTellEmTheOriginal2.0 has delivered.  If you don’t read it, you’re missing [...]

Yes indeedi. This is quite the exciting blog. Hee hee. Well, I’m happy for you, Katy. I’m glad that you like Mere Christianity.
He says everything that I believe, too. It’s so awesome.
His idea of God as a relationship between Himself is SPOT ON. Hee haa hoo hawesome.

I’m reading it now!  Yay!  It’s GRAND!

Katy, I feel exactly the same way you do. I just never knew how to say it. It’s like you put my feelings into words.

I want to be closer to God, but at the same time, sometimes I just feel like letting go of everything. I want to live, and I’m afraid living isn’t good enough.

I want more.
I feel incomplete – like there is a vital part of me that isn’t there anymore. I’d really like a connection with God to be what makes me whole again, but I have no idea where to start.

I pray, but I’m sure God can feel the emptiness behind my thoughts.

I do have a comment for you, but its length got a little out of hand….  I made it into a post:  http://curtis.room2593.com/2009/07/10/in-response-to-the-recent-depth/

[...] and thinking a lot.  This post is in response to solitarytellurium’s comments on Robby’s original triggering post.  I started to comment, and ended up with a sermon.  Sorry for its length, but I couldn’t [...]

Oh, look!  I didn’t need to make a link.  WordPress magically did it for me!

I tried to comment on your most recent post, Curtis, but it wouldn’t let me, so here’s my comments.

Thanks Curtis. Everything you said is so obvious, and I can’t believe I never realized this all before. I’ve been worrying about how to reach out to God, and all this time He’s been reaching out to me, and I was too busy stressing over my broken spirituality to let him in.

I think the reason it is so hard for me to pray is because I’m asking God to give me this, or help with with that, and I’m not giving anything back. Praying makes me feel guilty, so I was questioning whether praying is really more religious than ignoring prayer all together.

My logic was that if I didn’t know how to return all Gods favors, then if I just quit asking Him for things, we would be even.
Now I know that I was completely wrong. I never knew there were so many ways to be close to God. I don’t have to try so hard to bring God closer to me. He’s already close to me, I just have to live my life in a way that makes my heart open to accept his love.

I used to play the Piano, and my sister and I learned harmony to a few hymns a long time ago. Maybe I can get back to that. And my mom works at the hospital, so I might be able to get a volunteer job. Would that help? I don’t consider myself a bad person, but at the same time, I still don’t quite understand how doing good one way or another will make you closer to God. Care to elaborate a little more?

Thanks again so much, Curtis. You have no idea how much of and eye-opener your post was.

I got some of that heat for ya, solitarytellurium. Hopefully Curtis will put a link to my post when I get it done today.

Here’s some heat to tide you over until then:
““For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God, not by works, so that no one can boast.” – Ephesians 2:8
The downside to this verse is that no matter how hard you try, you can’t get into heaven through anything that you do.
The AMAZING upside to this verse is that no matter how hard you fall, you can’t screw up completely enough that God can’t grace you back into his love. Essentially, loving God and accepting what he did for you on the cross is enough. That is the salvation issue.
After that, God will work with you and your actions and stuff will follow.
I cling to that fact, otherwise, I’m boned.

I prayed last night – really prayed, tried as hard as I could to actually have meaning behind my words. Iasked Him to forgive me for misunderstanding his love, and told him I was oppening up my heart. I feel better. Now I just have to get the ‘live your life for God’ part down. I’m pretty sure I can handle that. Thanks Guys.

And when I say ‘guys’ I mean ‘Robby, Katy, Curtis and Stephenbarrytellem’. You guys are the best

Now that you’ve discovered this, the devil is gonna make your life miserable for a while. Life acts like a roller coaster: ups and downs. Whether it has a general upward trend or a general downward trend is up to you.

Awesome beans!!!  Okay, now I’m gonna have to go and continue with my Comcast metaphor.  I have more inspiration now….  Be back with a link in a sec.

Well, I guess it’ll be longer.  I’m going to go practice driving with my cousin Michelle again (I’m learning to drive manual).

I’m the best! I thought that only I knew this but now solitarytellurium

confirms it! WOOP WOOP

Ok finally…..STANK RELIGION PART TWO

http://stephen.room2593.com/2009/07/12/stank-religion-part-two/

I dont feel like waiting for the whole link thing…lol